Deep Thoughts

Was thinking deep. It suddenly struck me that :

"Its so easy to get on. But never easy to move on."

I can't be trusted. Trust me.

I contradict myself without even noticing it.

Ernest : "Joel, are you coming for training on Monday?"
Me : "Most probably."
Ernest : "I let you have the honour of keeping the store keys..."
Me : "Haha. I can't be trusted. Trust me."
Ari : "Trust you? I thought you said you can't be trusted!"
Me : " OH YA!!!!! hahahahaha"

I just can't tell you how I feel.

This is how I really feel right now. The bold words in red tells it all.

Sarah McLachlan
I Will Remember You

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin’ in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

Workout

Last night's training was one I will not forget easily. Hit with Ernest. Him being the better one, I was running all over chasing down his shots. Made me look like a mad dog. But I was hitting quite well thats why I didn't want to stop. My apparel was all wet and soaked up. Legs felt like I just went for a marathon, but still I continued.

I learnt something while hitting last night. Its simply "mind over body". I'm not referring to my fitness or anything of that sort. It has been awhile since I performed well. During those off times, I was always frustrated with my strokes, shots and whatever. Last night I managed to maintained a positive mindset on court, even if I made an error or hit a bad shot. I kept my cool. It really pays off because the moment I started to leave my mistakes behind and concentrate on the "present", I started making less errors and hitting more confidently.

What a workout it was. I pushed myself near the limits. Felt like vomiting after training. Lost too much water as well. Weighed myself when I got home. I lost 3kg!!! OH GREAT....
It wasn't easy for me to gain weight to reach 65kg and now I just lost three within a night.

Hope to gain back that 3kg i lost. Other than feeling bad about my weight lost, I feel better now. Got enough rest. Fit and ready to go once again.

Emo-ing

I need a long break.
A break from everything.
I need a holiday.
A holiday to a far away place.

I need to find a way,
I think I am mentally weak.

Never once fitted well...

Cant Seem to get this particular song outta my head.

James Morrison
The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore

I've been twisting and turning
in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line
and watching it fall
You've been closing me in
closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading
and watching us fall apart

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore

You pulled me under
so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess
that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises
I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling
until all the feeling has gone

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore

Oh, don't misunderstand how I feel
Coz I've tried, yes I've tried
Still I don't know why
No I don't know why

Why I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore

Only just a Dream

Can anyone ever imagine I played with the great Pete Sampras? Well I did. Only in my dreams.

Last night, I had a dream of being in the same side of the draw with Pete Sampras. I can't remember which tournament it was. But I'm sure it was a grandslam, either Wimbledon or US open. It was 1st round and I already had to play with him. I only remember myself on the same coach bus as him, making our way down to the stadium. We had a small chat. He was rather quiet, I guess prolly getting mentally prepared for the match. I did some preparation as well. I was extremely nervous. I was shaking. Couldn't help myself from thinking about Pete's huge serves and his game style of "serve and volley". "How on earth am I gonna return his serves? Block it?" "His gonna make a fool out of me." "How do I play with a guy who serves and volleys so well?" "I must find a way to play well" Those were the thoughts running through my head at that time, when I was in the bus.

It didn't seem long before we arrived at the stadium. All I remember now was that very image of myself getting off the bus after Sampras. I was at the bus's door, I looked out and it was so bright. I had to squint my eyes as I came out. There was a crowd cheering on too. Feels as though I was taking my steps to heaven. All ended when suddenly for some reason I woke up....